she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
