their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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