Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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