The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
only if we run a train.
done.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Randomize
