I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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