He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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