I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
