hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
she woke up with a sticky ear
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
