this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
