im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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