walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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