I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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