I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
