shes about as inviting as chlamydia
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
