Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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