i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
