our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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