I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
