Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
