They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Less talking, more tequila
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
