I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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