I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
