My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
