I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
