i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There r osticjed everywhere
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
