the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
