Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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