My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
