i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
