Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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