I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
