I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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