and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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