I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
