Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
