bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
