when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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