if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My ATM looks so different sober.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
