we have officially lost it.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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