My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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