Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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