Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
