Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
