Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
