you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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