True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
