Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
