So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
