My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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