Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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